Have you wondered how come French kids are so bien-eleve/well-behaved?
They don't seem at war with their parents
Ex-pat American Pamela Druckerman's Bringing Up Bebe has many answers I'm seeking.
Plus (perhaps unintentionally) what makes the French...so French. Why the culture is the way it is. Even why French women are thin.
It begins in infancy and even before. French women experience pregnancy as a 'spa' period to lather attention on themselves. Pregnancy is not thought of as a 'personal research project'.
Druckerman, a former Wall Street Journalist,has been living in Paris for 10 years with her British husband. As a new Mom with 3 young children she became curious about French parenting. Should her first-born enter a creche/French daycare at 9 months? Would this effect her child's development? Where were alphabets in the classrooms? What were tots 'learning'?
Compassion and respect for others.
Read Judith Warner's reponse in Time.
Compassion and respect for others.
Read Judith Warner's reponse in Time.
Fr parents create a secure 'cadre' or FRAME(not a box) for a child to grow and discover life within. "The French believe it's important to be very strict about a few key things, but then to give kids as much freedom as possible about the rest. You can really see this at bedtime. French parents tell me that at bedtime, their kids must stay in their rooms. But within their rooms, they can do what they want", from a Druckerman interview.
Learning manners is foremost in French upbringing.
Have you walked into a Paris shop/cafe, asked directions of a French policeperson without saying 'Bonjour' first? Then you know the importance of Bonjour + au-revoir, merci, s'il vous plait.
Parents assert authority when needed with 'non' and 'les gros yeux'/the big eyes to let a child know when they've stepped over the limits. Druckerman says," 'the big eyes' works best when there is mutual respect...strictness comes with flexibility...giving kids autonomy and choices"
French children learn early to wait/attend. To deal with a bit of frustration.
The way French parents and children deal with food is such an eye-opener. I'll post more tomorrow on that one. For sure most French children could pass 'The Marshmallow Test' with flying colors. Instant gratification is not encouraged. Learning to wait is.
Many French toddlers bake every weekend. With parents nearby but not directing much. I was allowed to put a raisin button on the gingerbread man and lick the bowl (not allowed for Fr children). That was it. I never got to make anything from scratch by myself. No wonder I can't bake #$@ macarons.
I'm always interested to see the plethora of children's cookbooks in France. Now it makes perfect sense to me.
Photo by Ernst Vikne
'Alone time' is important for French children. Learning to play by themselves and become self-reliant is highly valued. I was scolded for spending happy hours drawing and cutting out paperdolls by myself. "Why don't you go outside and play like other kids", I was told relentlessly. I never paid attention and I still don't go outside enough probably.
The one subject Druckerman doesn't go into in depth is the French doudou. Perhaps that's my turf to map out. Qui sait? If France interests you (would you be here if it didn't) then you'll learn much about French culture. Druckerman's book is hilarious, laugh-out loud funny to boot. I'll address French food issues tomorrow. Bear has a lot to contribute. Watch a WSJ video of Druckerman here. And here is Druckerman en famille in Paris & NYC.
